Only You
by Afterglow04
Summary: Carter and Abby still seem to have problems with facing their true feelings and getting it together. Please read and review.
1. Default Chapter

AN: This is the first fic I ever wrote, so please bear with me, heh. I wrote it a while ago when Abby and Carter were still just friends. Even though I know what happens down the road, I'm still a Carby fan and decided to post this after all. So please read and review, even if you hated it ï

Summary: Carter and Abby are still having trouble with confessing their true feelings and giving it a try.

Disclaimer: I don't know anyone even remotely related to ER personally and I don't own any of these characters. The songs mentioned in this fic are credited below.

_**Only you**_

Chapter one: Songs and Italian places 

Abby looked at her watch one last time before she ran out of the kitchen. My god, she was soooo late! It was 8.50 already and her shift started at nine. She grabbed her car keys from the table and ran outside. Ten minutes left to get to County or Kerry was going to have a fit again. She'd been late a lot lately, sleepless nights were the cause of that. Tossing and turning, thinking things she shouldn't be thinking.

She got outside and pulled on her coat, it was freezing like hell. She loved snow, but not when she was late and it was all over her car. She turned her key in the ignition and drove away. When was Carter on? She couldn't remember but she hoped he'd had the night shift. She didn't want to avoid him really, but he was the main reason she stayed awake at night. She often wondered how they had let it come this far. It was mostly her fault, she knew now that John was right when he'd told her she wasn't over Luka yet. She wasn't then...but she definitely was now. The problem was they seemed to be stuck. And she had no idea how to fix it, she was scared. Hell, at least she was admitting to herself that she was atrracted to him, she'd told him how she felt.

She parked her car and walked to the ambulance bay. She prayed that it would be a calm day. She could use one for a change. They had been swamped, since two other hospitals were closed for the week. She walked in and saw Susan lazily filling in a patients chart. She saw Abby and smiled, walking with her into the lounge.

"Hey, I didn't think you'd be here already. You were here when I left last night." Abby asked, slightly curious.

Susan sighed and gave her a tired look. "I know, but I had to stick around for the shift change because Chen called in sick. She has the flu, which everyone's been getting lately. You get a cold and then you just automatically get the flu. Which means I've been here for about 20 hours and I've been dying to get some sleep."

"Well, if I were you I'd go home. Kerry's not here yet anyway and I think Luka is on in about an hour.

"No, Luka has the night shift I think, but Carter's on at eleven."

Abby pulled a face. So much for good luck, she mumbled. Susan saw her face and she started laughing.

"You two are very comical, you know that? Walking around the hospital like nothing is going on, while everyone working here is just watching you two every day, it's like the goddamn Young and the Restless!"

"Ugh, well maybe instead of watching and gossiping about us you could actually work", Abby grinned. "In the meantime, I have some patients I need to go and take care of. See ya later Susan".

Before Susan could say something else, Abby walked out and went to the board. Too many patients, she thought to herself. As she walked in to curtain 3 she was thinking about tonight. She was gonna go to a meeting. As much as she wanted to make herself believe that she had everything under control, she had to get rid of it. Everything, let it all out. John was right that night outside the Lava Lounge. The last time that she'd gone to one had been too long ago. But now she was determined, there was a meeting at five, she was off at four. It was perfect.

Here comes Johnny singing oldies-goldies 

_Be bop a lua, baby what I say_

_Here comes Johnny singing I gotta woman_

_Down in the tunnels trying to make it pay_

_He got the action, he got the motion_

_Oh yea, the boy can play_

_Dedication, devotion, turning all the night time into the day_

_He do the song about the sweet lovin' woman  
He do the song about the knife  
He do the walk, he do the walk of life  
_

Abby couldn't remember when she had last heard this song. It was years ago, when she and her brother had been taking care of Maggie together. Eric was a fan of the Dire Straits and it used to annoy her that he always listened to their cd's when they were together. Now it just made her smile, as much as she hated the times that Maggie went crazy on them, she couldn't ever go back to the time when Eric and her had been inseperable.

She went to the lounge to get a cup of coffee and saw Carter who had apparently just arrived and was getting ready. He smiled when he saw her and she couldn't help but smile back. God, she loved it when he looked at her like that.

"Hey Abby, how you been?"

"Fine I guess, just been having a little trouble sleeping lately, but other than that it's all good"

"Why haven't you been sleeping well? You should try to relax half an hour before you go to sleep. Just watch tv or take a long hot bath or something, that always works for me"

"Yea maybe, I don't know why I can't sleep though." Like she was gonna tell him that he was haunting her mind day and night and that was the reason of her insomnia.

"Anyway, I'm off at six, what do you say we grab a cup of coffee? It's been awhile since we've talked and all."

She felt her stomach twitch. Stop it, she silently scolded at it. "Ummmm I can't, I have...other obligations."

"Like what?"

Figures he'd ask, way to go Abby. "I was thinking of going to a meeting at five"

She looked to see his expression. She wasn't really sure what he was thinking, she saw surprise and... was that relief?

"Well that's good, I'm glad you decided to go to a meeting. So how about dinner then? Have you tried that new Italian place yet, a couple of blocks down? I could buy you dinner."

Italian sounded good, she loved Italian food and he obviously knew that. So just say it, say you'd love to go!

"Yea I'll think about it, let me get back to you on that". Great, she frowned. "I gotta get back to work now, so I'll talk to you later".

She grabbed her coffee and was about to leave when he asked her:

"What made you decide to go to a meeting after all?" She turned to look at him. "I thought you didn't feel like it at all, why go now?"

She looked into his eyes and saw the questioning look. She sighed and said: "Because you would like it if I went" and then she walked out, leaving him alone in the lounge.

( _song: Walk of life by Dire Straits)_


	2. Meetings

AN: Thanks for the reviews :-) I really appreciate it. Since the story is completely written anyway, it shouldn't take that long for me to update. But please keep the reviews coming, even if you don't like it, I like criticism. Disclaimer: Once again, I don't own them or anything related to them. The song is credited below, I just like using songs in this fic :-p   
  
Chapter two: Meetings 

Abby walked into the waiting area, about at least 30 people were getting agitated and were yelling that they were there first. She sighed, I should have never been a nurse. But then again, I love it too much to just give it up. She looked at the chart in her hands.

"Mrs. Beidermann?" She looked if anyone responded and an elderly lady stood up with a smile. "Could you please follow me into the next room? I'll do your monthly check-up this time if you don't mind."

"Oh that's lovely dear, but I was kind of hoping that that wonderful doctor could help me again. He did my check-up the last three times or so and he's just so friendly and nice."

Abby sighed. Ever since Mark died there were a lot of patients who came here under the impression that he was still alive. They just didn't know and it was amazing how loved he was.

"I'm sorry Mrs. Beidermann, but if you're referring to Dr. Greene then I'm afraid I have some bad news for you. He died a couple of months ago, he had been sick for quite awhile." She saw the woman's face sadden as she looked a bit shocked. "I'm really sorry."

"But how? And when? I mean, my friend came here last month and she was treated by him as well. I distinctively remember because she was very fond of him too. I don't know if his name was Greene, I never asked him."

Just then Carter walked into the room and he smiled as he recognised his patient.

"Mrs. Beidermann, how have you been? I was expecting you to show up for your check-up."

Abby frowned. Carter was the doctor she'd been talking about? Ugh, she should have known, friendly, wonderful, bla bla bla. It was as if every force in the universe was giving her signs or something.

"Oh Doctor, I'm so glad you're here. This lady told me you had been very sick and you had died!!" The woman looked truly relieved to see him there. Carter looked confused.

"She said what?"

"I thought she was talking about Mark", Abby whispered and she couldn't help but laugh a bit. Carter nodded his head understandably.

"Well, I don't think I'm going anywhere soon", he smiled as he looked in Abby's direction. "Now, lets take a look at you shall we?"

Abby looked at her watch and walked towards the lounge. Her shift ended in 5 minutes and it was fairly calm, so she decided to go to that meeting. She realized she hadn't talked to Carter anymore about dinner that evening. Maybe it was for the best, she didn't really know what to decide. Why did she have to doubt on everything, acting on impulse would be good for a change.

As she walked out of the ER she lit up a cigarette. She pulled a face at it though. Ah well, one bad habit at a time. It was four o'clock and you could see that it would be dark early again. It had been snowing most of the day and she actually felt good at that moment. Maybe because the day went better than she had expected.

She got in her car and turned on the radio.

_Saturday I'm running wild  
And all the lights are changing red to green  
Moving through the crowd I'm pushing  
Chemicals all rushing through my bloodstream  
Only wish that you were here  
You know I'm seeing it so clear  
I've been afraid  
To tell you how I really feel  
Admit to some of those bad mistakes I've made_

"YES" she yelled to herself. She loved this song. It seemed to perfectly describe her in every way. She always thought of her and Carter's trip to Oklahoma, they'd been in the car when this song had come on. She turned up the volume and started singing along.

If you want it, come and get it 

_For crying out loud_

_For the love that I was_

_Giving you was, never in doubt_

_Let go your heart, let go your head_

_And feel it now_

_Babylon, Babylon_

She parked her car by the sidewalk and walked into the building. Here goes nothing, she thought to herself. She saw Melanie standing by the door with pen and paper in her hand, signing up names as various people walked by. Abby gave her a little fake smile and continued walking down the hall. She didn't like Melanie all that much, she seemed too friendly and perfect. Nearing the hall where the meeting took place, Abby slowed her pace down a bit and peeked inside. She'd gotten this far, it wouldn't be that hard to go in and stay for an hour would it? She rolled her eyes to herselfn walked in and sat down in the back row. Only one hour and 2 minutes to go...

(_song: Babylon by David Gray) _

Well that's the end of chapter two, it shouldn't take me too long to add the next one :p


	3. By the river

AN: Thanks to the people who wrote a review, I love you guys ;) Sorry that it took me a little longer to update, but real life has been keeping me buys. Only three more days of work, woot!

Disclaimer: I don't own anyone that stars or works for ER :p

Chapter three: By the river

Carter started walking to the El while he took out his cellphone. If she thought she was gonna get away that easily, she had another thing coming, he grinned to himself. It was only 20 past six which left him enough time to go home, shower and get ready and (hopefully) pick up Abby. He had his thoughts set on Italian food now, there was no way out of it. The meeting would nearly be coming to an end now, so he was going to leave a message on her machine. Heheh, leave her no choice but to be ready. They needed to spend some time together anyway.

"Hey it's Abby, leave a message and I'll get back to you" BEEP"Hey Abby, it's John. You never got back to me about tonight, so I figured it was a yes. My shift just ended, so I'm gonna go home and take a shower. I'll pick you up around 8 ok? See you then, I'm looking forward to it! Bye."As he hung up he couldn't help but laugh. He could picture her pulling faces at the machine when she would hear this message. She was always pulling faces at either him or herself, he didn't think she even realised she did it. He often wondered if there was ever going to be any change between them. Basically they had both said they had feelings for each other, only it wasn't at the same moment and never ever at the perfect timing. If everything went as he had planned in his head, maybe that would change tonight. He would once again be the one to take the first step, he only hoped she wouldn't chicken out now.

Abby put her keys on the table and plopped down on her couch. She was actually glad that she had gone to that meeting. Maybe things were starting to come together right now. She looked at her machine and saw a red three blinking. She hit the button while she kicked off her shoes.

"Hi sweetie, it's Maggie. I was just calling to ask how you were, we haven't talked in awhile. I was thinking that maybe you could come by sometime when you don't have to work or something, because I'm really doing good at the moment and I would like to see my daughter every now and then. So when you get the time, call me ok? Love you honey."She smiled to herself, it would be nice to meet up with her mom. She had to take advantage of the fact that she was doing well for once. Her smile disappeared as she listened to the next message. It was from Carter. The Italian place!! She knew she should have said something. The message ended and she sat dumbfounded on her sofa. So he just assumed she would go and he was gonna pick her up at 8. Oh no, she checked her watch: 7.40pm. Oh my god, she knew she should have gone straight home after the meeting. But Jing-Mei was at home with the flu and she had paid her a visit. There was no way she was gonna make that in time! Maybe she just shouldn't go, call him and cancel. Problem was, she wanted to go, she'd had a great day and well... staying at home would just leave her thinking about Carter anyway.She dashed to her bedroom and grabbed an outfit from her closet before speeding to the bathroom. As she stood under the shower and washed her hair she was thinking about what could happen tonight. Maybe they should have "the talk". Oh god, that sounded like a third date sex talk or something. She laughed as she stepped out of the shower.Just as she was wiping the condensation from the mirror she heard a knock on her door. Already? She looked at the clock : 8.02. Ugh he was annoyingly on time again. She quickly wrapped a big towel around her body and walked to the door. Ok, so it wasn't the best way to open the door, but at least she was going with him right?  
She opened the door and she saw his mouth drop. She laughed, he had brought roses and everything. He didn't know what to say."Ummmmm...you look nice." He gave her a thumbs up. She could see a grin spread all over his face. She rolled her eyes, men."Yea I only got home 20 minutes ago, so that left me with little time. Do you mind waiting some more? Because I don't really think they'll be happy to see me like this.""No problem, do you have a vase somewhere?""Umm yea, there should be one in that dresser over there, second cabinet. In the meantime, make yourself comfortable."As she walked back to the bathroom she looked at him over her shoulder and smiled as he bent down to grab a vase. He looked amazing, at least from where she was standing.

Four hours later they were walking back from the restaurant and it was a beautiful night. There were a lot of stars out and dinner had been fabulous. They were walking arm in arm and she knew where they were headed. "Their bench" by the river. It was like their own special spot and she knew that she wouldn't be able to back out now. All of the evening throughout dinner they had basically avoided the subject. Maybe she should lighten the mood a bit.

"You do know that I missed Survivor to go out to dinner with you right?"

"Ah yes, and like that is such a great loss", he laughed.

He never understood what people saw in that show. As they got to their little bench he thought about how he was going to approach this. He didn't want her to run away or anything. He layed his head back and was just watching the stars. The silence would have to do for now, he didn't feel like talking right away. All they needed was light snow falling down and it might just be classified as perfect.

"It's beautiful isn't it?" she said silently.

"Yea, I was just thinking the same thing. Too bad it's so cold, I could stay here all night."

"Well maybe in the summer we should." He looked over at her questioningly. "You know, just come out here on a hot summer night and watch the stars and then just talk all night."

"That would be nice...although I was kind of hoping we could do the talking thing tonight. We haven't in awhile you know. How did the meeting go?"

"If you're asking to check if I went, I did and it was fine thank you."

"Abby that's not what I meant. You don't always have to look for things that aren't there. I was showing normal interest."

She looked over at him. She couldn't tell wether he was upset or not, she hoped that he wasn't. Truth be told she didn't feel like talking. Why couldn't they just skip that and move on to what they both wanted anyway? All the talking might cause her to back off again and she didn't want that.

"I'm sorry, John" she whispered.

He smiled, she didn't call him that often so he knew she was turning serious now. He turned around to face her, but he didn't say anything. He loved to just watch her when she wasn't aware, but of course now she was fully aware, because he saw her blush.

"Don't stare, it's not polite", she smiled. Ok, now she felt really uncomfortable. Why was he just sitting there staring? Say something, she shouted to herself.

"What?" she asked.

"Nothing", he smiled mysteriously. He turned around again and continued watching the stars and he still had that mischievous little grin on his face. That couldn't be good, she thought to herself.

"You really scare me sometimes you know that?" she joked. She hadn't expected the next thing, AT ALL. He turned over again and looked deep into her eyes before kissing her. Without even realizing she responded and deepened the kiss. So much for talking...

When they broke apart she smiled at him. She was ok with this, finally maybe it would happen for the two of them.

"I didn't feel like talking anymore all of a sudden", he said. "It was just the moment I guess. Anyway, I'm glad I did it."

"Yea me too. You must've read my mind, because I was hoping we could skip the talking."

He stood up and offered his hand to her. "You wanna go and have a cup of coffee somewhere?"

She smiled and got up. "I'd like that."

[[[ End note: That's it for chapter three, please be kind enough to leave me a review. Sorry if this chapter comes up weird, but I'm new to FF and discovering everything :p And it doesn't seem to make it easy for me, I don't know why it doesn't paragraph, heh! ]]]


	4. Doc Magoo's

AN: Thanks for the reviews, chapter four is now up and it's really short, but I promise to have the next one up shortly. Sorry if it takes me awhile to update, I've had family issues this week.   
  
Chapter four: Doc Magoo's 

They were sitting in Doc Magoo's hanging over a mug of hot chocolate. No wonder they came here, it was so familiar, she absolutely loved it. As she took another sip she heard the door open and Luka came in. He spotted them immediately and came over.

"Hey Luka, are you on tonight?" she asked.

"No, my shift just ended actually." He looked a bit weird, probably feeling awkward.

"Do you wanna have a cup of coffee or hot chocolate with us?" Carter asked. Now it was her turn to be surprised. Did he really just ask that? She could see that he was just doing so to be polite, but still... it was typically him.

"No thanks, I'm just gonna head home because I'm exhausted. I'll see you tomorrow."

As he walked away they both sat in silence. Abby was pondering about Luka. She knew that he still had feelings for her, he didn't even bother to hide that fact from her. She still had feelings for him too, but they were just friendly feelings now. She loved him, but not in the way you love a man you want to marry someday. Not like she loved...

"You ready to go?" Carter asked, pulling her from her silent dreaming.

She smiled: "Yea, let me just finish this up and we can go."

He drove her home and walked her to her door.

"Thanks for coming tonight. "

"Well thank you for inviting me", she smiled. "We probably still have to talk sometime, but I'm glad we didn't have to tonight."

He kissed her on the forehead and looked at her. "When are you off tomorrow?"

"I'm on from 10 to 8pm, how about you?"

"Nah, I have the day off tomorrow" he grinned. "Do you want to do something tomorrow night? Or are you gonna be too tired?"

"No, what you wanna do?"

"Your choice, I picked the restaurant for tonight so it's up to you."

She looked at him with an evil smile. "Maybe, instead of going to a restaurant, we could eat at home tomorrow. And since you are home all the live long day..."

She let her voice trail and he started laughing. "You are not suggesting that I cook for us right? Unless you actually want a disaster to happen, you don't wanna try that."

"Oh come on, you're totally exaggerating. Your cooking isn't that bad. I was surprised the first time that you could cook and I really enjoyed it!"

He looked her over sceptically. "Insane woman... but alright", he put his hands up in defeat. "Don't come complaining to me when you're in bed with food poisoning the next day. I will not be held responsible."

"You are such a drama queen, you know that?" she smiled. "I'll come by your place when I've finished my shift, ok?"

"That sounds great. At least up until the part where we will have to eat the food", he winked.

She kissed him lightly on the lips and opened the door. "See you tomorrow".

"Bye", he said as he went downstairs.


	5. Cell phones and supermarkets

AN: In answer to someone who asked if I've posted this before...yes I did, but on another site. So it's normal if it seems familiar to some of you. Thanks for the reviews, keep 'em coming!   
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters here, and I don't own the song either. I really don't own very much...   
  
Chapter six: Cell phones and supermarkets 

She closed the door and kept smiling happily to herself. When the hell did this happen? She walked over to her couch and pulled a blanket on top of her. _My god_, she thought_, this is the first time in months that I have felt this happy_.

She started to slowly drift off thinking about him. She actually needed him, look at her. She just said to herself that she was happy and it was because of him. He made her feel good about herself and the things she did. He didn't look down on her because she was "just" a nurse, he respected her for it. She remembered that night outside of the bar with Luka all too well. Sometimes she just thought of it unexpectedly and then the tears threatened to come back. He had told her that she wasn't all that special or that pretty. She knew that he probably hadn't really meant it, he just yelled it in the heat of the moment, but she had never showed him how much that had hurt her.

All her life she had felt useless and miserable and after her marriage with Richard all of that had gotten even worse. But Carter... he was so much different than any guy she'd ever been with. _Carter can have you!!!_ His voice echoed in her mind. She would never forget that moment. It was then that she had thought to herself: If only he still wants me... And boy, was she glad he did.

She pushed the blanket away and started towards the bedroom, breathing in the sweet and gentle scent of the roses as she walked past them. She dropped down onto her bed, fluffed her pillow a bit and turned off the lights.

Carter woke up at about 11am the next day. He had needed that sleeping in for a long time now. He couldn't even remember the last time he had had a day off. Yawning and stretching, he climbed out of bed, warily opening his eyes a bit more. He went to the bathroom to take a shower and then the events of the past night came back to him.

_Oh my god_, he realised with a shock, _I agreed to cook for her!_

It was a well known fact, she had too much power over him. If she looked at him with that special look she had, damn all other things just melted away. Ok let's see, he had to cook...and there was absolutely no one around to help him..._well that's just fantastic_, he thought sarcastically.

He got in the shower and turned on the water as he pondered over what he would prepare. Preferably something nice yet easy...well, he was going to have to think about that later. He needed to go grocery shopping anyway. The radio blasted its next song as he shampooed his hair.

_She's got a blind smile and a soft touch_

_A cute little dimple when she laughs too much_

_They say you fall hard when you meet her_

_Such is her allure_

_She's got a quick wit and a fast tongue_

_But she doesn't seem to know that she's the one_

_They say she cheats charm when she whispers_

_She's devilishly pure_

_You'd see if you knew her, that she doesn't know_

_Well it's time I told her so_

_When I see your blushes_

_From a compliment of mine, it touches_

_There's something inside, I'm getting rushes_

_The adrenaline rushes_

_And I'm fascinated, that you really don't know how to take it_

_When I look at you that way, you feel naked_

_And I'm so into you, I'm getting rushes_

He drove his car to the nearest supermarket and wandered aimlessly through all of the aisles. He hadn't even decided what he was gonna cook, how the hell was he supposed to know what ingredients to buy?

_This is going to be a disaster. _He sighed in frustration as he took out his cellphone. He dialed the number and hoped that she would be home.

"Deb, hi, it's John. I hear you're still home, how are you feeling?"

"Hey Carter, I'm doing slightly better. You know how it is with the flu, it goes away after a few days, I'm coming into the ER tomorrow so...Anyway what's up, what do you need?"

"What makes you think I need anything? I can't just call a good friend who's sick to ask her how she is? I'm really offended." he joked.

"Yea right, as you said it: a good friend, which means I know you well enough. So what is it that you need me for?"

"Well...I needed a feminine piece of advice and since I knew you were home..."

She laughed "I know you too well John, ask away."

"I promised Abby I'd cook for her tonight. Well...she forced me really", he laughed. "Problem is I have no idea what to cook or how to even begin cooking it".

"You sound desperate enough but it's sweet that you're cooking for her. I'm so glad you two are finally moving things forward, I was beginning to become frustrated myself. Ok, umm let's think. You wanna impress her with your cooking but you don't wanna overdo it or make something that's too hard for you too cook."

"That's just what I was thinking, see great minds do think alike. So what did you have in mind?"

"Hmmm well that depends, are you hoping on getting lucky tonight? Show her just how much you love her or..." He could hear the smile in her voice.

"HA HA, no I just want to make her a nice dinner and we'll see what happens from there. I seriously don't wanna rush things Deb, you know how Abby can get sometimes and I can't loose her. Not now, after it's finally happening. Nothing has happened so far, so don't go spreading anything in the ER either."

People were actually turning to look at him now. Yea he was one of those annoying people in a supermarket with a cellphone, he smiled sweetly at them.

"She probably knows you love her anyway and the only thing I might be spreading is the flu", she laughed. "You wanna go to Susan if you want word to go around fast."

"Yea or Chuny and Haleh for that matter. But we need to get back on the subject of F-O-O-D, because as we speak it's nearly two o'clock and I'm gonna need time for this. Let's say I mess up a few times before I actually get there, she's coming by my place around 8.30pm."

"Well you have plenty of time, and I think I may have found the perfect dish for you to prepare. You wanna make something light, so...you should cook pasta! It's perfect, easy to make and delicious. You can thank me later"

"Ok that's great, but we actually only just had Italian food last night and we both had tagliatelli so...any other great ideas? Because that would've indeed been perfect if not for last night..."

"Just your luck, now I had found the perfect meal!" She let out an exasperated sigh. "I don't know I'm not a chef, maybe you should check the internet or something and find a site with great meal ideas. Oooh, I have an idea. Why don't you make her something Asian-inspired?"

He frowned "Will that be easy? Because it doesn't sound easy."

"Well now that we landed on Asian food, I'm an expert and I have tonnes of ideas! Let's see, there's Asian barbequed steak, Burmese chicken curry, Asian roll lettuce wrap, egg foo yung..."

"Ok ok", he interruped her. "I can hear that you're getting very excited, and it actually sounds great. Why don't we go with the first one, the barbeque thing? I mean I know it's winter and it might seem strange, but instead of barbequeing it, I can just put it on the grill. Now how do you prepare it?"

"Well putting it on the grill is a wonderful idea, because the steak is marinated in Thai seasonings and you can grill it as desired. The only problem is that it will take you about 3 hours and 35 minutes to prepare it."

"That's all right, as long as you explain how to cook it exactly I'll be fine."

After he had taken a piece of paper and wrote everything down carefully he thanked Chen and started pushing his cart around in search of the needed ingredients. Boy he wished he wouldn't have a too hard time preparing this. Abby owed him big time.

As soon as he got home he started and it was going pretty well. At least in his opinion it looked good. He left it on the fire as he went upstairs to get ready seeing as Abby could be arriving any minute.

(_song: Rushes by Darius)_


	6. It's all relative

_A/N: Thank you to everyone who has been leaving reviews, please do it again, tee hee. I'm soooo sorry I haven't updates this story in awhile, but I've been really busy with college starting back up and writing Friends fanfic for some contests. But I'll update more often now, I promise! _

_Disclaimer: Don't own anything related to ER, or the songs I use in some chapters. _

**Chapter six: It's all relative**

He rushed downstairs to open the door for her as he straightened out his hair one last time. He felt like he was in highschool again and this was his first big date or something. He was acting like a teenager, standing in front of the mirror for half an hour when he was just dressing casually anyway. This wasn't a big deal...was it? Abby had showed him again that she had feelings as well... yea, everything was going to be fine. He opened the door and he saw that she'd brought wine. Two bottles, one red and one white. He couldn't help but smile at her.

"What? I had to bring both red and white because I didn't know what you were gonna cook." She smirked at him.

"Did you crawl into my mind and read my thoughts or something?"

She laughed as she walked past him into the house "Like I need to be able to read your mind to know what you're thinking."

He took her coat and they moved into the living room.

"Ok, so which bottle will you be using tonight? You can keep both anyway."

"I don't know, I'm not a chef. What do you mean "you""?

"Well I'm not gonna have wine for obvious reasons, even though I have tried to convince you that it's under control. So what are we having? Maybe I can decide wether to have red or white." She looked up at him expectantly, but he just kept staring at her. "What?"

"Nothing it's just that I was thinking about what I have cooked for you and it's meant to be a surprise. See I was gonna make pasta first, but we just had Italian last night and then Deb didn't know anymore either. I wanted to impress you, but not be too sophisticated or make something that would be a disaster..."

"John..."

"So then she suggested all of these typical Japanese and Chinese things, some that I had never heard of so that still left me with the problem..."

"Carter..."

"...of what to cook and then at last I found something but now I need to know what wine to drink with it? I mean,"

"CARTER!" Abby yelled at the top of her lungs and she was laughing hysterically.

"What?" he looked confused and bothered that she had disturbed him while he was rambling.

"You obsess too much" she smiled at him.

"I don't obsess" She gave him a sarcastic look. "I think...intensely...Anyway I can't really help it. You threw this on me like a bombshell! _Why don't you make dinner for me? _And me, being the amazing guy that I am, of course said yes." He turned around, leaving for the kitchen to go and check on the food. Leaving her there shaking her head at him.

She plopped down on the couch after he told her to make herself comfortable. It had been a hard day, she'd lost 2 patients and she was glad that she got to relax here, with Carter. Her cellphone rang and she took it out of her purse. She knew she shouldn't have bought one, it bugged her that now she was feeling peaceful it was disturbing her. She saw Maggie's number on the caller ID and frowned. She had just called yesterday and Abby had phoned her back, what was wrong?

As she answered she could hear that she was definitely upset about something. She prayed that she wasn't off her meds again, but as she listened on, she heard it was about Eric. Apparentely he had disappeared and he hadn't taken any of his medications with him and Maggie was concerned.

She walked to the kitchen and saw that Carter was busying himself with the grill and other stuff that was on the table. He saw her and smiled.

"You couldn't wait could you? Well if you must know what we're having..." He saw her face and she was looking down at the ground. That couldn't be a good sign. "What's wrong? Who was on the phone? Abby?"

"It was my mother. Eric ran off and he didn't take any of his medication with him so it won't be long until he gets completely out of control again. I'm sorry John, I have to go. Help her find him and, as always, make things right I guess. Although he doesn't want my help."

He looked beaten, defenseless. He had been looking forward to this night no matter how much he had complained about cooking or the time he had spent in the kitchen. He didn't want her to leave. But then again, he understood why she had to. She saw the look on his face and she once again scolded at her and her family. He didn't deserve this. He should be with a nice girl who could give him everything she wanted and doesn't have a screwed up family. No matter how many times he told her that his family was nowhere near being normal either, it just wasn't the same.

"I'm sorry John, but I have to go"

"No, it's fine. I'm ok, really. Do you want me to go with you? Because you really can't go alone right?"

"No, I would like it if you stayed here. I'm sorry, but this is my family and you shouldn't get dragged into this. I have to deal with this, I always do."

He looked a bit hurt, but Abby ignored that and got her purse and put on her coat.

She turned and left for the door and turned around to say goodbye. Carter was leaning against the doorpost of the kitchen just watching her. She quietly said goodbye and left.

_A/N: Ok ok, I know this was short, but as I said, I'll update real soon. When I'm reading this again and adjusting things here and there...I'm just surprised at the way I wrote back then, heh. Please leave me a review to say you hated it or loved it or whatever. Thanks! _


	7. Avoiding the pain

_A/N: Ok ok, you can all kill me since it's been nearly a month since I've updated this. I've been busy writing other stories and college hasn't been helping but...I shouldn't give excuses, I'm sorry to everyone who's actually reading this. I'll update faster, I promise (you can kill me if I don't heh). So please leave me a review, I love it. You guys rock. _

**Chapter seven: Avoiding the pain**

It had been two weeks since that night, when she'd walked out of his apartment. Abby had taken a week off to go and find Eric and hopefully bring him back home. Carter had tried to call her the entire week but she hadn't answered once, so he eventually gave up. Then she had come back on Saturday, now a week ago, with the news that they had found Eric alive and well somewhere in Oregon. He hadn't wanted to come back home and he didn't want to take medication anymore so they had to force him and he was in therapy now and supposedly on his meds.

Abby had told Carter this but then she had avoided him all week. He knew something was wrong and he didn't dare ask what it was. He knew anyway, she was backing out again. Finally they had been on the right track and then something had to come up. It seemed as if they just weren't meant to be or anything, but then why did he feel like they were?

He entered the lounge and put his stuff in his locker before putting on his coat. He heard the door open and Abby came in. He could tell it was her because he had heard her gasp when she had seen him there. He turned around ready to leave and looked at her for a moment. He didn't say anything because he knew it wouldn't make a difference anyway. He walked to the door and passed her as he said:

"Goodnight Abby."

Tears welled up in her eyes. She had seen the look in his eyes and it killed her. What the hell was she supposed to do? She kicked against the couch and fell down on a chair. Thank God she was only on for another 2 hours and then she and her couch could be alone. She poured herself a cup of coffee and saw Susan was about to enter the room.

"Hey Abby, did you check on that patient in exam one? The guy with chest pains they brought in earlier?"

"Yea everything was normal, I just came back from him."

"God, this day seems to never end. The little girl from the bike accident this morning didn't make it but the guy that was drunk and that hit her hardly has a scratch!"

"Where is he now then? Did they discharge him?" Keep it off the subject...

"No" she smirked, "he's sleeping and he'll have a hell off a hangover in the morning.

So...you wanna talk?"

"About what? Oh, we should go to that new club in town. One of my friends went there last weekend and it's supposed to be very good. I already asked Chen."

"Abby... you think I don't know you better than that? I thought we were friends" she gave her a look and smiled. "Plus, Carter has NOT been in a good mood lately so it doesn't take a scientist to figure it out. What's going on?"

"Nothing is going on. And no offence, but I wish that everyone could just stop with sticking their nose in my business. My feelings for Carter are personal and it doesn't matter that I love him because..." Oh god, did she just say that out loud? She closed her eyes and put her head in her hands.

"Interesting!" She could hear Susan smirk even if she couldn't see it. She opened her eyes again. "Judging from your reaction it kind of surprised you as well that you just said you love him. Maybe admitting it isn't so hard after all" she smiled like a little kid who had been given a lollipop. "Now I think instead of telling me - you really should be saying this to him. You have no idea how much he wants to hear this."

"I'm confused right now ok, nothing ever goes right. At least not for long and now all of this shi...stuff with my brother again, it just shows everyone." She got up and headed for the door. "I appreciate you wanting to help though" she said with a smile. "I'll see you later".

When she was walking towards the hospital the next morning she saw him sitting on a bench in the ambulance bay eating "breakfast". His shift probably started with hers. She walked to the door and then hesitated for a second and she turned around and started walking towards him.

"John..." she began quietly.

"Don't," he interrupted her, "you'll make it worse so just don't say it. Please, I don't feel like having a discussion right now."

"I just want you to know why I'm doing this."

"Damnit Abby, I don't wanna know! I'm tired of all the stupid excuses you keep giving me. And the most frustrating thing about this is that I always keep thinking that we're gonna make it, and that it'll get better. And now it was actually going better. It's not because your brother got into some trouble that that has to change. It'll happen again, because he's sick and if he's anything like your mother then you know this won't be the last time. But I don't get why you have to let that stand in the way of us." He tossed the rest of what he was eating in the trash and sighed in frustration as he moved his hand through his hair. He didn't really mean to have an outburst like that, but it was morning and he was in a bad mood already.

"Because it's not just about that Carter! Yes, Eric is sick but that's not the only thing. What is it that you want from me anyway?"

"What I want from you? I want to know why you're letting this die. I thought we were on our way of having something amazing, finally, and then without the blink of an eye you don't talk to me anymore."

"I need time John."

"Oh you know what Abby, I think you'll be fine. You've had all the time that you could have needed already. I just wish that you could let go for once. It's like you became imprisoned again, like before. These past few weeks it was starting to change like you were willing to give us a chance, but now..." He looked down.

"It doesn't matter what I was starting to do. Things have changed now."

"It doesn't matter?" he asked in disbelief. "Ok, then tell me... what does? Because if 'us' isn't what you've been thinking of lately...then you're stronger than me. It hasn't been off my mind for months now."

"It's not that easy, it's never easy! Every time my life is going ok and I'm getting close to feeling happy something always screws it up!"

"Well what has been easy so far? Nothing...you haven't had an easy life and I'm sorry that it absolutely sucked, Abby. But now that something – someone - actually wants to make you happy..." he looked into her eyes and his voice softened "you won't let me."

She looked down and stopped yelling as well.

"It's not that I don't _want_ to be with you and you know that. I don't deserve you."

She saw that he was giving her a sarcastic look and he was about to say something again so she quickly went on. "You need to be with someone who can give you all that you want. A happy marriage, a beautiful family and not someone who can give your kids a disease that will ruin the rest of their lives! I've lived it together with my mom and it was hell! She chased me around the room with a knife when I was 10 years old and now it's happening all over again with my brother. And I know that you say your family is far from perfect either, but it's just not the same Carter."

"You know, I've heard this all before and I do feel sorry for you but it only goes so far. I mean, you can think that you don't deserve me, but as long as I want to be with you then that should be all that matters. Please don't make my decisions for me, I'm a big boy I can handle it. And I could help you with your brother and any other problems you should have but you have to let me. Why do you always wanna do everything on your own? And you don't know if your children will be bipolar and frankly, down the road, I would gladly be willing to take that chance. I just don't understand why you always keep pushing me away when things tend to get better. Are you afraid? Or do you keep doing this to me because you hate me?" He kept looking at her, waiting for her to say something...but she just cast her eyes down and didn't reply.

And with that, he walked away from her into the hospital.

_A/N: Just another quick note to dadswell. You said you hated what Carter did to Abby in the newer episodes and that you're a huge Carby fan. I haven't seen season 10 yet, because I don't live in the US. But they will air them over here soon, though I'm not sure I even want to watch after everything I've heard, heh. I hate the fact that they broke up, so fanfic is the only thing keeping me alive! Please review people, you know I love it! _


	8. Only you

_A/N: I'm sorry it took a little longer than I had promised, but I think this is the last chapter. When I first posted this story on another website, I finished it here and I think I'll do that again. Thank you to everyone who has been reading this, you really rock my world. Please leave me a review! _

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything related to ER or to the songs used in this chapter.

**Chapter eight: Only you**

_I want to know why, you're letting this die_

_Without the blink of an eye_

_You say that you need time_

_I say you'll be fine_

_If you would only see_

_Like you did before _

_You became imprisoned_

_Can I reopen the door_

_You say it doesn't matter  
Then tell me what does  
And why that isn't what  
You've been thinking of  
You say it's never easy  
Then tell me what was  
Is it never worth the pain  
Could you believe it was  
When life keeps living  
That's what life keeps giving_

_To us_

_(song: Us by Celine Dion)_

_  
_He hadn't talked to her for the rest of the day and he was happy about that. He was tired of fighting with her when all he really wanted to do was hold her in his arms. Tell her everything was going to be ok and see in her eyes that she would let him love her from now on. Yea right: back to life, back to reality… he'd always hated that phrase.

What was he supposed to do now? He was sitting at home…alone…drinking her bottle of white wine. He flicked through the different channels but nothing seemed to interest him. Outside the rain was absolutely pouring down, the angels were crying with him. At least it would melt the snow that had been lying around for a week now.

Abby walked to her ca, getting soaked to the bone. She closed the door and rested her head on the steering wheel. If only she could go home right now and find Carter and just fall asleep in his arms. She was so stupid, she could've had that but instead stupid Abby had taken control once again and decided to hurt him. He was such a great guy. And she hadn't realised how deeply she felt for him until she heard him say all those words to her. She had told Susan that she loved him without even knowing she did, so that meant something at least. Why did her life get so confusing sometimes? As she drove home she remembered his last words "_Do you keep doing this because you hate me?"_ She hadn't answered him at the time. She couldn't tell him that it was the exact opposite of hate, no matter how much he wanted to hear it.

She got out of her car and started for the door when she hesitated. It was late and she had an afternoon shift the next day. The sensible thing to do would be go inside, get dry and then just sleep. But for once, she didn't listen to stupid reasonable Abby. She started walking away even though her car was right there and the rain was literally being thrown out of the sky. It wasn't until she was standing in front of his house that she realised where she had walked to.

Everything was dark and she couldn't hear anything because of all the rain. Well of course, he was in bed! What had she expected, that he would be waiting for her and be standing there with open arms? I think not, it was 3 am. God, what was she doing here? She was freezing, soaked and she'd been walking for about half an hour trying to think things through. It hadn't helped. He thought she hated him. She found herself standing at his doorstep right now. She could hear smart Abby yell inside of her _Ring it, just ring it! It's not that hard, press the button and let the doorbell ring. Wake him up, he'll be happy to see you. _

Carter was tossing and turning in his bed. He opened his eyes sleepily. _Was that the doorbell? Nah, it couldn't be. _He turned around to look at his alarm clock and the red letters pointed out that it was a little over 3. His shift started at nine, so he smiled to himself completely satisfied and happy that he was granted another 5 hours of sleep.

All of a sudden he sat up straight. It was the doorbell, he'd just heard it again. Who the hell could that be in the middle of the night?

He put on some jogging pants and went down the stairs to the front door. He looked through the peep hole to see who it was at such an inhumanly hour. _Oh my God._ He looked again as to prevent himself from thinking that he was still asleep in his bed and dreaming. Abby was standing there right in front of him, on his doorstep. Abby! What on earth was she doing here? He opened the door.

"Abby?" he asked, eyebrows up in the air to show his surprise.

_My God, he just rolled out of bed and the guy still looks gorgeous,_ Abby thought.

She didn't answer and it was only then that he saw the little droplets drip down her clothes, face and hair.

"Oh my God, are you crazy? Look at you, you're all wet, come here" he practically dragged her inside. What did she do, walk all the way over here? She just stood there looking at him and he switched into doctor mode, it was instinct.

"Are you ok?" he felt her forehead but nothing seemed to be wrong so he lost the worried expression that had been on his face. He brushed away a single strand of hair that hung in front of her left eye and he tucked it behind her ear. All the while looking straight into her eyes.

"You could've caught pneumonia Abby, walking in the rain like that. Or something worse." She still hadn't said a word, but now she was looking at the floor instead of straight at him.

Finally she mumbled something but he didn't understand a word of what she had just said. He bent down a little, trying to look into her eyes.

"What did you say? I didn't quite catch that last part" he said jokingly.

She looked up into his eyes and he saw the hurt look on her face.

"I don't hate you" she said so softly that he had to strain to hear it.

He was stunned, speechless, and that didn't happen a lot. He honestly didn't know what to say. She came all the way over here to tell him that she didn't hate him? He knew she didn't, why would she think that? But then it dawned on him, their fight that morning. He remembered his last words just before he'd walked to the hospital. He had said something about her hating him. His face softened and a little smile played on his lips.

"I know you don't hate me Abby" he said just as softly. "Did you come all the way down here - in the rain - just to tell me that?" He wanted her to say it. She must of had this in mind otherwise she wouldn't have walked all the way over here in the freezing cold.

But she remained silent as she didn't really know how to tell him. She'd never been really good at expressing her feelings, not like he could do it. He'd always been open and everyone knew how he felt about her. She wasn't like that, she hadn't had that kind of upbringing. She was used to keeping it all inside.

Carter sighed. She'd never been an easy girl and he had the feeling that she never would be. "Come on" he said, as he took her up the stairs.

"Where are we going?" she asked slightly worried.

He smiled. At least she hadn't lost the ability to talk. "I thought you knew me better than that" he said with a smirk. "I'm taking you upstairs to take a bath. I don't think I've ever seen a person like this before, soaked as you are. You really need to heat up or you could come down with something."

"But it's three in the morning"

"Yes, I'm well aware of that" he looked around at her. "You can borrow some of my clothes and you're staying here tonight. Not like I don't have enough guest bedrooms right?"

He lead her upstairs as he was wondering what was going through her mind. The bath was filling up and he made sure the temperature was nice, so that she could relax a bit, he had put a lot of bath foam in it so the bubbles were everywhere. He took a pair of loose training pants and a T-shirt from his closet and put it on the sink in the bathroom. She hadn't moved from her spot next to the toilet since they'd gotten in there. She was lost in her thoughts, or so it seemed.

"Alright well, I'll be in the next room ok? So if for whatever reason you might need anything, just holler." He looked at her and then turned away towards the door. She stopped him by his elbow and turned him around.

"Thank you" she smiled.

"You're very welcome. Take your time."

And with that he closed the door and left her alone. She started undressing and the minute she laid down a blissful peace surrounded her and she forgot about everything else. She only just noticed that he'd put relaxing music on in the background. How very thoughtful and typical of him. She had no idea where the music was coming from though, she looked around but couldn't see a radio or anything else. That's what you get if you live in a huge house right? She didn't know the song that was playing but it was very soothing and it seemed to put her at ease.

About an hour later she stepped out of the bathtub and wrapped a towel around her body. She wiped the mirror clean and looked at herself. She had come all the way over to Carter's house in the middle of the night, woke him up and hadn't even said one coherent sentence yet. That's just…great. She put on the spare clothes he had nicely put on a chair for her and she got dressed. _Ok_, she thought, _lets get this over_ _with before I chicken out again_.

She opened the door slightly and peeked inside the room. She didn't see him anywhere so she pushed it open a bit further and slipped through it silently. Once her eyes got adjusted to the dim light she saw a sleeping form on the bed. She walked over on her tiptoes because she didn't want to startle him or wake him up. He looked so adorable, just lying there on his bed, breathing slowly. In and out and in and out…She felt like she could just stand there forever, watching him. He looked tired and she felt bad for waking him up so early in the morning when he had a shift the next day. She sat down on the bed and moved a strand of hair that hung on his forehead.

She looked over at the alarm clock and realised that he must've been exhausted and she didn't exactly help it. Well she couldn't go home now and besides, she wanted to finish what she had tried to tell him. She didn't plan on waking him so she walked to the other side of the bed and she laid herself down next to him. She started to close her eyes when she felt him move and turn over.

"Hey" he whispered. His eyes searched hers as he could smell her wonderful scent. She smelled of soap and her hair was still damp. He couldn't really think about anything else than her right now, seeing her there right next to him. He almost pinched himself to check if he wasn't dreaming. He'd dreamt this before.

"Hi", she said just as softly. "I thought you were asleep." It seemed like forever before he replied. They were just lying there and Abby felt as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

"Yea I know, but I was just resting my eyes for a minute. I heard you come out of the bathroom. You didn't think I'd miss this right?" He smirked slightly. Or well, that's at least what it looked like to Abby. She smiled back at him.

"Miss what?" she asked innocently. "Miss the fact that I'm about to put my heart on the line and die right here and now?" She sighed and turned her face serious again.

"Abby, it doesn't…"

"No, let me finish this. I really just need to get this out ok?" she interrupted him. He nodded silently and motioned her to go on. "You know why I came here tonight. You might have been surprised that I showed up here in the middle of the night…but I don't think you had many doubts about the reason. I know that I can be a pain and I'm unreasonable and that I have my issues and everything."

She took a breath as she continued. "But I know that I haven't been fair to you. Not that night when I left and then didn't call you back during the whole week and not today when we had that…", she searched for the right word, "discussion. So then I started to think things over, because well...I do that a lot. And you know I don't hate you…right? Because I've told you how I felt before. Maybe not in so many words but I just – I always assumed you knew." She stopped talking here for a second and Carter took this opportunity to get a word in between what she was saying.

"You know Abby, it's not that I think you hate me. It's just that things always go wrong when they should be going good. And that frustrates the hell out of me. Mostly because it's out of my control, I can't do anything about it. You always make the decisions. You leave to help your brother, but you won't let _me_ help _you_, with anything. I can't make you trust me…but oh how I wish you would. You were right when you said I was surprised to see you, but most of all I was happy. I didn't like the way we left things today and I know I shouldn't have walked away. But I'm not perfect either. It's just…just to see you here and the way you're here next to me on my bed…It just feels right, you know?"

He had spoken so softly, his voice full of seriousness and concern for her. She knew she had to take the chance.

"I know, and I also know that I'm willing to work on all of that. Together with you…I want you to help me when I need help and I need you to be there for me, because there'll be times that I'll really need you. Only you…"

He smiled at her and got closer. He gave her a small soft kiss on the lips and draped his arm around her body. They were both tired and he didn't even want to think about his shift the next morning. He looked into her eyes right before they both closed them and fell asleep. There would be plenty of time for everything else tomorrow…

I lost faith in myself and everyone and everything around me 

_I thought I'd disappear, maybe you'd be better off without me _

_You showed me I was wrong, everybody needs someone_

_Love is not about perfection _

_You made no promises, life is hard enough you said ohh without you_

_Only you, only you _

_you're all that matters _

_only you, only you, only you _

_Only you give me strength when my world is shattered_

_only you, only you, only you_

I walked this road so many times before 

_you'd think I'd know the way _

_But like the fool that I am it always ends the same _

_You told me everyone deserves a little happiness _

_no one should have to be alone _

_Me I'd be satisfied with a just a little tenderness _

_ohhh with you _

_Only you, only you _

_you're all that matters _

_only you, only you, only you _

_Only you give me strength when my world is shattered_

_only you, only you, only you_

_(song: Only you by Pat Benatar)_

THE END 

_A/N: Aaaaand that's it, folks! I hope you enjoyed it, because the ending seemed a bit rushed to me. But I couldn't be bothered to change anything about it. Please leave me a review, it'll make my day! _


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